In their own words | Krissy Bates

By KRISSY BATES

You could say that my 2020 began in November 2019. I was in the Hockeyroos squad for three years, competed at a World Cup, scored a goal on the buzzer to win a gold medal at the Oceania Cup and played 45 caps for Australia. However, my 2019 was also riddled with non-selection and a big knock to the confidence. I knew as the year came to a close, my spot in the squad was up in the air.

Come the day the 2020 Olympic Squad was being announced, all athletes were told they would be notified via a phone call during a 9am-12pm window if they were not going to be selected for the following year. I woke up that morning with knots in my stomach knowing what this day might mean. I cleared my schedule and sat in the lonely armchair of the loungeroom waiting, just waiting. As each hour passed and it neared closer to 12pm, I started to feel more hopeful. That feeling was quickly squashed. At 11:04am my phone lit-up, the coach’s name sprawled across the screen. I immediately knew that I had been dropped from the squad. After a short discussion with the coach, my fate had been sealed. I had a lot of decisions to make.

Life as I knew it would change drastically. Do I stay in Perth? Do I move back home to Melbourne? Do I go overseas? Do I get a proper job? I had more questions than answers. An overwhelming sense of reality hit me. I’d have to leave the Hockeyroos bubble and enter the real world for the very first time in my adult life.

Krissy walking out for Hockey Club Melbourne in the Sultana Bran Hockey One League

As a means of escape, I booked a trip to Esperance the next day with a friend to completely detach myself from my current situation and assess what my next moves were. I felt like a large part of my identity had been stripped from me in an instant. I sat at the beach, taking pity on myself even at a location as stunning as Esperance. Lost in my own thoughts, I hadn’t noticed a group of people gathering on the beach nearby. My ears pricked up as I heard a foreign language spoken amongst the group. Three young backpackers set up their belongings, eager to discover the beauties of the coastline. With tanned skin weathered by the harsh Australian sun and rucksacks in hand, they appeared to be carefree travellers, living with freedom, chatting away as if they hadn’t a worry in the world, just the world at their feet.

It was in that moment I decided to take a big leap of faith. I wanted what they had. I didn’t want to feel weighed down by anything or anyone, I just wanted to feel a sense of freedom. I felt like I had just seen my spirit animal pass through these people and I took that as a sign. That night I contacted one of my old coaches who put me in touch with a team in Barcelona, Spain. Five weeks later, I was on a plane ready to set up a new life 14,000 kilometres away from where I called home. I was thrown into a completely new environment but I was excited to experience a new culture.

I joined the Junior Futbol Club in Sant Cugat, a wealthy club in Barcelona. My team was made up of seven Spanish national team members and a handful of talented U21 national team members too, so I was in great company. I had to take a different approach to my hockey to find the love for it again. I let go of the pressure I had previously felt and just got out there and played. My creativity and spark started to come back as my confidence grew after it was so badly stifled.

I wanted to make the most of this experience, so I put myself out there, I made some amazing friends, I put myself in awkward and uncomfortable positions (being a relatively shy person) and I said YES to everything. I truly felt at home. I wanted to become a local as fast as possible, so I made sure that I quickly adapted to the new culture; I followed a Mediterranean diet, I ate lunch at 3pm, I had mid-afternoon siestas, and I put myself into intensive Spanish language classes. I also needed to earn a living, so I became an English teacher. I contacted players and parents from the club to see if any kids were interested in English conversational classes and dove straight into it. Not only did I teach English to some young girls at the club, but I mentored them and shared my experiences as an elite hockey player.

I met a 14-year-old girl named Ivet. She was a good little player, playing above her age group, looking to crack representative teams. We would talk hockey, I’d teach her some tricks, she’d show me around the village, we’d take her dog for walks through the forest, and bake together. She was a very keen learner and wanted to soak everything up. She got to practise her English with me, and I got a fresh reminder of what is was like as a teenager just starting out my hockey journey. I felt a new sense of purpose. I’d built a life that I was falling in love with. I’d walk to Spanish class every morning, explore the city of Barcelona by day, and training with my team at night. I’d ride my scooter everywhere and travel to all sorts of amazing places, did some beautiful hikes, and enjoyed the nightlife. I was just beginning to feel like I truly belonged somewhere. I felt like my true self there.

Fans of Club Junior Hockey Club

One day, out of what seemed like nowhere, cases of coronavirus started to pop up. We travelled to the Canary Islands for a game and we heard on the news that a traveller from Italy had tested positive for COVID-19 on the island, which was the first we’d ever heard of it. Within days, it had spread like wildfire throughout Spain. Madrid became the new epicentre of the virus. Things started to change very quickly. First our training sessions were cancelled, then our match on the weekend, then the European Cup, then the whole league… and all my travel plans. I could see my idea of this year’s adventure slipping away right in front of me. We were ordered to stay home, not even go out for food, to walk the dog, or exercise. I had a decision to make yet again. Do I stay here and risk getting sick or do I return to the safety of Melbourne where my family lived? I had to scramble but I ended up getting the last flight out of Barcelona to Melbourne before the flight path to Australia was shutdown. I booked the flight at 2am in the morning, and I was on the plane at 8am the same day.

After being on such a high living my best life, barely three months later I was back living at home, something I hadn’t done in more than three years. I felt bogged down, depressed, lacking a sense of purpose. I didn’t know what my next move should be, I didn’t want to train at the VIS, I didn’t want to go for a run, I didn’t want to do anything really. I stayed in bed for weeks not willing to accept my new reality. It felt like the only thing I had to enjoy was my Spanish. I love learning and I needed something to keep my brain going. I continued my Spanish classes with my teacher in Barcelona online, and I took things to the next level. I threw myself at my Spanish in the hopes that I would one day soon make it back there. I’d spend hours every day going through vocabulary, reading Spanish books, watching Spanish TV, listening to podcasts, and speaking to my friends on the phone. It became somewhat of an obsession. I still do my classes every week and I can say confidently now that I am relatively fluent in the language, something that I am very proud of.

It took a few months for me to pull myself out of the hole I had slipped into. I had taken a break from all hockey training and fitness but it was time that I did something. I needed a job, so I contacted a careers advisor who helped me get started. I reached out to my network, and opportunities came a-knocking, I landed myself a job. I started feeling motivated again. I wanted to play hockey again. As I got back into training, I would go in ebbs and flows of loving it and hating it. I could feel myself bringing a bad attitude to training sometimes, but I knew that the younger girls at VIS looked up to me and looked to me for leadership, so I wanted to bring a better version of myself to training for them. I wanted to get myself out of this slump, so I contacted the AIS mental health referral network hotline and got in contact with an independent psychologist. He helped me rethink and reframe everything. We came up with action plans, revaluated my values, and got back to the reasons why I loved playing hockey and what made me happy.

As the weeks went by, COVID cases in Melbourne started to impact training. One week we would be allowed to train, the next we couldn’t. We weren’t able to train competitively at all. Training became an absolute slog. Melbourne went into complete lockdown; we had to work from home, only allowed leave the house for one hour a day, within a 5km radius. It was grim. However, talk of a National Camp at the end of the year really got me thinking: “Maybe I can do this.”

Krissy celebrating with her Hockey Club Melbourne team mates.

I worked hard, I wanted to lead by example, I showed initiative and I did all I could to get myself in a good position to be ready for the camp. It was impossible to adequately prepare for the national camp in November whilst training in Melbourne. We couldn’t even be within two metres of each other. A decision was made that it would be best if we relocated to Perth for a few months in order to get the right training opportunities. Everything happened very quickly, but we made it over to Perth and into two weeks of hotel quarantine. We had an exercise bike and a guitar delivered to the room and that’s what kept us busy in isolation. Once we got out of the hotel, we begun training with WAIS and I started a job at Hockey WA whilst still maintaining my job in Melbourne working from home. I found myself working full-time and training more than ever.

I didn’t want to waste this opportunity and I didn’t want to leave any stone unturned. I continued working with my psychologist and I contacted a conditioning specialist and paid for an intensive program to get me to where I needed to be. I contacted a very talented and well-known coach in WA to bounce some ideas off and get individual sessions. I talked to some other great mentors to help guide me and navigate through this time. I did all the extras. I had eight weeks to prepare. The camp crept up on me very quickly, it seemed like just a few months ago I was overseas living a completely different life. I did my best to prepare by watching clips of my trainings and games, analysed who I was up against for selection in the now-postponed 2021 Tokyo Olympic squad, sat down and had a think about what I needed to do differently this time around. I gave the camp my best shot and I showed an improved performance.

After all of what this year has presented to me, I am coming out of the year feeling differently about myself. I feel like I have really evolved as a person and learnt so many things along the way. I’ve learnt that when adversity hits, it’s okay to not be okay for a while. I sat with my emotions, processed them and accepted them and that’s the only way forward. I’ve learnt through new experiences and getting outside of my comfort zone that I can grow and expand my thinking and outlook in so many ways. I’ve learnt that pursuing things with as much grit and determination as possible will leave you feeling content no matter what the outcome. If you go out and do everything in your power to improve, you can be happy and find comfort in moving into a new season of life. Whatever 2021 brings, I know that I can face it head on. I can rise to and embrace the challenge and make the most of any situation I am thrown. I believe that you create your own reality and the one I’m forging is one that I am proud of.

Krissy at the recent Hockeyroos Super Camp.

Krissy Bates was overlooked for 2021 Tokyo Olympics selection but was very happy with how she performed in the Super Camp and remains focused on making the 2024 Paris Olympics Hockeyroos team. She is now preparing for a return to Melbourne, to visit family and friends, after an incredibly disrupted year. She is also open to a return to Spain… one day.

Are you a hockey player with a story to tell? Let us know! We want to be the platform for your voice to be heard – whether you’re playing at the grassroots or the elite level. Email us a brief overview of your story – media@hockeywa.org.au